Training shouldn’t be optional

Or view the video on the server at:
http://video.tsemtulku.com/videos/betrained.mp4

People willingly sign up to endure tremendous training, challenges, physical ‘torture’, mental ‘torture’, ‘abuse’ and even put themselves in situations that endanger their lives as you see in this incredible video. This is for the betterment of this life alone. Need we say more for future lives? A must watch short video in any case. They are taunted, made fun of and even encouraged to quit by superiors and peers. People can say this is psychological and mental abuse and the people who ‘perpetrate’ this are cruel and vicious. But remember, you signed up and you opted for it. You had a choice, so there is no victim card here to play. To get through it will toughen you up for life’s vicissitudes, hardships, realities, disappointments and really just make us accept life’s realities. Which makes it easier for ourselves and everyone around us because we accept, understand and well prepared. To expect something according to our projections and not getting it most of the time leads to bitterness and depression. Pretty much the sum of our lives in samsara. Some make it and many don’t from this tough training. Out of 150 that signed up, 42 made it in this incredible training which really represents life. The rest quit.

Some of the ones that quit complained, said it was too hard, inhuman, not achievable and even can cite psychological damage because of it. But all in all, it is training. And this is for the body and mind. This is for secular success. This reminds me of the monasteries. This reminds me of even organized Dharma centres and some of my tough gurus. You are put to training in many methods by the teacher and whether your teacher is a monk or drill sergeant if you want the results you go for it. Be just as committed as your trainer. You are being trained by people who know their stuff and committed themselves. Committed themselves to the training and to training you. You have to comply, do the training and then only you can enjoy the results. The results can last for your whole life and in spiritual terms for lifetimes. It is never handed to you. If you fail, you can blame the teacher, but then if you blame the teacher, everyone must have failed. Not everyone fails but you failed so it can’t be the trainer. Even the majority can fail and it is still your fault because that is usually what happens with tough and real training. Don’t revel in your failure just because you have many peers that also failed. Failure is failure. Some even encourage others to fail so they are not alone in failing. I’ve met people like that. They encourage others to leave the dharma centre, the retreats, guru, practices, their faith, samaya, commitments, meditations and works so when they leave, they are not alone and feel as bad or look as bad. Once they leave, what do you have to offer them? Back to the exact same thing they did before they joined the dharma or training. Why join, if everything was perfect? That does not make it better long term, because you still failed. The tougher the training, the more real the Dharma and the more honest it is, in all likelihood, more will quit citing abuse, too tough, not worth it or even saying they felt trapped. But then the trap is not the training in the Dharma. Because training in the Dharma is teaching you how to leave your samsaric trap and not stay in it. When you fail, you don’t escape but in actuality you stay exactly where you are. If where you are was fine, why did you enter the training in the first place? Dharma training is tough. Any training is tough.

Training is tough. It was tough with my gurus. It will be tough because our mind is tough. We fill our minds with all types of comforts and habituated views of how things should be and when it is not like that, we give up. We love to blame the trainer, the path, the Dharma, the method and all of that. But what people need to understand is, yes the training was hard, but did the trainees make it harder because they were spoilt, had wrong views, hung on to their comfort zones and refuse to really change? Are all trainees trainable immediately? Are they all cooperative and compliant and really willing to make a difference? Or when their most secret comfort zones were infringed upon, they left? Leaving is one thing, being bitter is an excuse to cover failure because you chose to join in the first place. No one forced you. You take responsibility for the choice. How to break away from samsara when you are still stuck in trying to be comfortable? Being comfortable actually has no place in spiritual or physical training. Achieving something has no room to be comfortable. Success and comfort are never in the same continuum. Success does not come from being in a state of comfort but challenging ideas and habituations that continuously keep us tied down to the deceptions that comfort zones, money, acquisitions, romance, travel and entertainment is the purpose of our lives. Anything you have now was either given to you for free or you worked past your comfort zones to achieve them. After you ran away screaming from the training, what did you achieve in your life that was substantial? Did you just go back to sleeping late, some feel good meditations, meeting friends, surfing on the net, travelling, eating, social occasions, endless dinners and non-stop holidays? Holidaying from what? You don’t really work much to even need a holiday? Maybe you even took up a course or two at a school, ‘busy’ on a blog, occasional unsuccessful dabbling in exercise, some self-help readings, dabble in the occult to divine for a  comfortable future? Maybe just nothing? You went back to what you were doing prior to the training. Now you have to justify to yourself and others why you quit the training. We can be honest or we can deceive for face saving purposes on why we really quit. You don’t go back to doing the same thing and more of it citing training was insane. What is insane is your blindness to see your comfort zones will lead you not where you wish but where you don’t ultimately desire. Maybe you will make a dent in this world for the better by quitting but most likely not. Because hard work, long hours, commitment, passion, consistency and sacrifice of comfort are the universal ingredients necessary for the outer journey and even more so for the inner journey. Whatever journey we choose and hopefully it will be both for our sake, by remaining in comfort zones, this will take time as well as overcoming comfort zones to inner success. Both take the same amount of time and time is used. One does not bear results and the other one does. Don’t waste time. It’s our choice, don’t blame if we quit. Better is to swallow the ego for our long term benefit and get back into the training. The journey does not end at death unfortunately and fortunately. This continues into the bardo and future lives. The Buddha was not wrong. The harder the training seems to be is a clear indication to ourselves of how far behind we are. How much we need it. All the more reason to train. For some it takes tremendous efforts to reach a goal and for others seemingly very fast. Whatever it is for us, start and keep at it.

As we age, get sick, wrinkle, slow down and all types of diseases invade our body let us know that time is shorter, all the experiences we had in the travels, food, romance, fun, kids and all that materialistic world had to offer will not help us one iota at the time of death. All the conversations we have with friends, kids, partners and so on will not help us in anyway. The experiences will just disappear as fast as the experience themselves. To experience something for the sake of experience is like gathering water in a cup with holes to drink. When the four elements shut down within our bodies, and the inner winds gather and when we are about to black out from consciousness forever, even the best friends and partners holding our hands will be of no help. We won’t even be conscious of them being there and holding us at the last stages. Then karma who is ever present takes over as it has been all along but more so now because we don’t have the physical to grasp onto anymore. Your wealth, experiences, position, power, name, poverty, beauty, friends, houses, properties, views, political stance, loans, savings, pets are all not going to help you. When you enter the bardo, only the karma you have accumulated in the positive will assist you now. The genuine meditations, the mantras, saving of animals, benefitting other beings, retreats, donations, offerings on your shrines, prayers to the enlightened ones, guru samaya, generation of the altruistic aspiration, altruism, destruction of dual view, works that benefitted others, releasing of phenomenal grasping, release of projections and attainments will help you and can help you. Everything else you spent time on when you were alive besides the spiritual attainments will be of no help. Your lifetime of experiences accumulated from books, people, travel, cultural learning, foods, money, savings, poverty, partners and positions will not be of any help and will be forgotten. You sink into black oblivion. Your possession that you held onto will be falling into the hands of others very soon. The oblivion is totally black for the time being prior to leaving our bodies. A journey into fear, the unknown and perhaps pain if we are not spiritually aware. Not studying a map prior to reaching a fork in the road, can lead you to the wrong direction. Not preparing spiritually and fool-heartedly engaged in only samsaric pursuits will bear its frightening consequences now. If you don’t like what you are reading, don’t blame me, but these are the condensed form of the teachings of the omniscient Buddha. I am not negative, or trying to psyche you or frighten you for the sake of it. If you feel frightened, it is because you are not prepared, not because I frightened you. I cannot frighten you about something that is not true because you can investigate yourself. Fear arises from knowing the truth of our existence if we do nothing about it. The truth is living a life of just enjoyments will use up the karma that supported it as Kensur Jampa Yeshe told me. But fortunately if you are reading this now, it means you can do something now. Start now. No more excuses and procrastinations. Even if you quit in the past, start again and don’t quit. Remember, consistency is the key. The key that opens the door to your vast inner attainments, true freedom, omniscience and finding your luminous Buddha nature. That is what Buddha Shakyamuni did. That is why we ‘worship’ and follow him. Why else do we follow him? Stop praising, chanting and meditating on what Buddha did to become a Buddha and nothing more, but engage in the same path Buddha completed. Please do it now. Actually just do it. No more excuses, justifications and taking refuge in a all saviour like comfort zone that is deceptive. Deception is impermanent too. No matter how many go along with your self deceptions and how good of a friend they are, deception will ripen into deep regrets. Friends that encourage quitting or deception may come and go but our sufferings remain. Remember, the Buddha’s wisdom in his teachings surpasses any views our ‘friends’ may have. Buddha’s wisdom is based on total lack of ignorance while our friend’s knowledge is based on pure limitations and obstructed by karma. Buddha’s omniscience also surpasses any form of education, knowledge, ‘wisdom’ and experience that can be offered in this world. No knowledge by ordinary humans can ever surpass the omniscient Buddha’s wisdom. Follow Buddha.

So why are we so into everything that does not help us physically at the time of death and mentally and karmically? Because we have not studied, allocated the time for it, applied and lived Buddha’s teachings completely. We are not bad, but ignorant. But even ignorance is a chosen path and not inherently forever. We only surrendered to materialism because we are familiar with it and we did not surrender to our true selves, our true Buddha nature within. We did not submit to the truth of the Dharma yet. Everything we do now will be of no use if it has not been directed towards the inner attainments that Buddha so clearly spoke about.

This training video is powerful. Be best friends with determination, hard work, grit, sacrifice, consistency and results. Abandon enemies such as laziness, excuses, justifications, blame, distractions because they are bad friends to be with. Remember 42 passed the training out of 150. That means 108 persons found excuses, reasons, justifications to quit. That is the majority. The quitters will probably regret, curse, hate or talk about the nasty training to friends and family for the rest of their lives. Even perhaps will say they were mentally damaged because of it. Even if you quit, walk away nicely, don’t blame. Because blaming is playing the victim card to cover up. Many suffer much more than you and they succeed even more because they don’t quit. It’s just like in many Dharma centres including my own that I experienced for the last 40 years that more quit or sit on the side-lines than achieve. If you ask them to go slightly beyond, they will cite very quickly all the reasons they can’t, but the truth is they are unwilling because the ravages of karma has not caught up yet. Or perhaps karma has caught up. But the truth is training does not damage our minds, but comfort zones do. How can we leave samsara, the very place that deceptively shows us temporary comforts, by staying comfortable and not doing more, not achieving more of the inner journey? Training is hard. But do it. You are worth it. Do it long term and never give up. The more we put it off the more old age, sickness, inabilities, graspings, ‘responsibilities’, karma, habits and peers will creep in to ‘confirm’ we cannot do it. Don’t be okay with mediocre. Don’t be fine with failure. Don’t be fine with half past six results. Don’t be fine with non-completion. Because future regrets are changeable if we do something now. Complete the training. Stop being so eloquent and creative with excuses. You fool no one but yourself. You set bad examples. Complete the spiritual training. Be trained. After training you will realize and ask yourself why you endured so much unnecessarily for so long. Buddha is an example of a fully trained being.

Tsem Rinpoche

Quote of the Day

“Practice with the bodhisattva attitude every day. People can’t see your mind; what people see is a manifestation of your attitude in your actions of body and speech. So pay attention to your attitude all the time. Guard it as if you are the police, or like a parent cares for a child, like a bodyguard, or as if you are the guru and your mind is your disciple.”

A Song

Homage to the Buddhas of the past, present and future.
Homage to Dipankara, Shakyamuni and Maitreya.
Homage to my precious Gurus, Buddhas & Sangha in all directions.
Without Dharma, life is but a meaningless cycle,
a robotic existence with a mundane existence.
Family, friends or foes , what difference is there?
When there is gathering, there is separation.
When there is birth, there is death.
Birth, aging, sickness and death.
All is inevitable.
But with Dharma, living has a purpose.
Avoiding the unvirtuous, applying the methods daily.
Cultivating one’s mind towards compassion.
Increasing one’s wisdom with Buddha’s spoken nectar.
You become aware of samsaricness within and around.
If you feel for a moment any joy in this existence, know that it’s temporal.
If you feel for a moment any sadness in this existence, know that it’s temporal.
If you feel for a moment any anger in this existence, know that it’s temporal.
If you feel for a moment any disappointment in this existence, know that it’s temporal.
Our body is filled with filth, blood, stools, flakes, bile, stones, impurities, bacteria and yet we cling onto this body like it is so precious.
We adorn it with perfume to musk our odor,
we adorn it with fine apparel to appear attractive to others,
we put on colors on our faces to appear attractive to others,
we change our hair color to appear as a different identity,
we cover our graying hair to hide our aging.
Women adorn little clothes to attract the attention of a mate,
what difference does this differentiate us from a peacock attracting a peahen with array of colors and dance?
Women adorning long fake eyelashes to batter at men,
what difference does this differentiate from a camel having luscious lashes to keep out the sand?
Women wearing skimpy tops to show their cleavage,
what difference does this differentiate from a cow showing off her udders?
All appearances are but temporal.
All are aging with every minute second, yet everyone behaves like death is so far away.
But when death comes, all tremble before it.
For all spent their life frivolously.
All refuses to see the goodness in being vegetarian,
All enjoy gathering, sharing recipes. Skinning, picking out and hammering bones. Seasoning and boiling to a stew and garnishing.
All enjoy feasting on the flesh of others like flesh devouring beasts.
All enjoy gathering, hunting and fishing, where one feels the thrill of hunting down a poor helpless being.
Many adversities happen after, then one blames it on ‘unluckiness’.
We caused them pain, they caused us pain back. Isn’t this plain cause and effect?
The effect will happen immediately or later. All’s dependable on when’s the right time for karma to strike.
Then who else can we blame but ourselves?
When death approaches, the ones whom you feasted upon will drag you into the depths of hell in chains seeking redress of grievances to Yama the Lord of Death.
By then, the only cries you hear will be the cries of you and countless others who are of the same in molten cauldron while wasting away the human body on meat feasting and gathering.
A man telling a woman he loves her (vice versa), oh what blasphemy.
A woman asks a man what does he love about her? He answers “Everything”.
Oh what blasphemy.
If she loses her arms, would you still see her the same?
If she loses her legs, would you still see her the same?
If she cuts off her locks of hairs, would you still see her the same?
If she loses her sight, would you still see her the same?
If she loses her hearing. would you still see her the same?
If she loses her speech, would you still see her the same?
If she is child barren, would you still see her the same?
If her mouth stenches of rotting teeth and gums, would you still see her the same?
If her face was filled with wrinkles, would you still see her the same?
If she loses her breasts, would you still see her the same?
If she doesn’t want to have any bodily sexuality with you, would you still see her the same?
If she doesn’t fulfill her wifely duties, would you still see her the same?
Oh what lies does a woman like to hear and words a lustful man would say.
When a human craves for nothing but sexual companionship their whole life,
they waste away their precious time trying to find the ‘perfect’ partner.
And not before long, all who are so attached to their spouse, loses them to death.
& soon after they follow.
Since they longed for each other so much while as humans, they take rebirth as swans or mandarin ducks. A lifelong companions in the animal realms. Oh what pity it is to waste away the human life on this grasping.
May one grow up to be a Bodhisattva.
May all always remember the kindness of their Gurus.
May all be filial to their parents.
May all impart the precious gifts of Dharma to one’s parents to repay their kindness.
May all remember the kindness of their parents, 7 lifetimes of parents and ancestors.
May all have a renunciation mind from young.
May all never use the media to view lustful acts of videos or images.
May all avoid masturbation to avoid increasing the lustful habituation.
May all avoid the unvirtuous and cultivate the virtuous.
May all remember and repay the kindness of others always.
May all transform their bad character tendencies into good quality character tendencies.
May all promote the benefits of vegetarianism, liberating animals and repentance.
May all who can’t calm their agitated minds, start loving the quietness of meditation.
May all who are gossipy, never judge others and hold back their tongues in conversations.
May all enjoy solitude and to never seek the companionship of others to feel wanted.
May all never be greedy in acquiring new objects to resolve attachment to senses.
May all never let greed take over when in business or job.
May all never gamble away riches but use it freely to benefit the impoverished.
May all never smoke away riches but use it freely to benefit the impoverished.
May all never drink away riches but use it freely to benefit the impoverished.
May all never eat away riches but use it freely to benefit the impoverished.
May all never sing and dance away riches but use it freely to benefit the impoverished.
May all never lavish on fancy clothes or rides but use it freely to benefit the impoverished.
May all never be grasping to money but use it freely to benefit the impoverished.
May all be a benefit to society and help to give back anything within their means.
May all never forget to dedicate merits to all who are in existence.
May all never forget to vanquish the thirst and hunger of the hungry ghosts.
May all feed the tiny insects and birds with sugary drinks and seeds.
May all feed the strays and never choose to ignore their pains.
May all never be in any business that involves the harming of beings.
May all never do the acts of killing, hunting or abortions.
May all never create premarital sexual misconduct.
May all never commit adultery or cheat on their partners.
May all help to preserve and spread the precious Dharma to others.
May all not use Dharma to make monetary out of it for one’s own benefits.
May Dharma be given freely to all. Whether a beggar or a king.
May all practice equanimity to all beings.
May Hinayana, Mahayana and Vajrayana practitioners be in harmony and unbiased towards any schools.

ksitigarbha1

“SNAKES, ROOSTERS & PIGS (Part 1)” – His Eminence #TsemTulku Rinpoche

A short excerpt from His Eminence teachings in Video 1:

“When we want to go for Dharma, a lot of obstacles happen. Do you know why? It’s the best thing we can ever do for ourselves. When we want to do really good things a lot of obstacles arise. When we want to do not so good things, no obstacle will arise. It is very easy. Good things always have obstacles arise because good things get us good things. So it’s very difficult. In this day & age, Dharma Protector practice is very very important. For those who have correct Samaya, who know how to practice it correctly, it’s very very important. Why?

In this day & age we have much more obstacles than people in the past. People in the past have outer obstacles. Outer obstacles like getting food, crops to grow, weather, ghosts, wars, famine, traveling & bandits. Today, outer obstacles are there, inner obstacles are more. What are the inner obstacles?
Relationships, not having one is an obstacle, having one is an obstacle. Having more than one is an obstacle, having one & wanting another is an obstacle. Having one & not being happy with one is an obstacle. Why?
Then we spend all our time like an animal in heat after this relationship. & then anger, it’s a very big obstacle for all of us. Why? Although physically, all is very convenient. Everything in life is very convenient now. Getting what we want is convenient but there is this dissatisfaction of not finding happiness. Not finding happiness although things are more convenient, creates frustrations & anger.
& anger, when anger arises, I’m not talking about anger that helps. I’m talking about real anger. I’m not talking about a Mother who yells & screams at us because she loves us. I’m talking about anger that you didn’t get what you wanted & someone else did & you’re not happy. When that anger arises, we say things that we regret terribly. We hurt people that we regret. & we do things in revenge. & we get people back emotionally that creates tremendous negative karma for us. Anger is a very big obstacle. Very very big.
Jealousy. Not being able to stand other people having better things than us. & not being able to take what they have. & not being to accept what they have. Those are huge obstacles for us. Huge. & our preoccupation with work, money, many of us are preoccupied with money. & for money, we will do many things that will demean us, that will put us down, that will take us away from who we are. & that will actually make us look very bad to ourselves and bring us into bad habits. For money, we will sink ourselves to the lowest. We will literally kiss anybody, you know what, behind. We will say anything we want to get money. We will be nice to people, we will show a sweet face, we will show teeth. A lot of teeth you know. We will do a lot of things to get money. We will forfeit our Dharma practice, we will break our vows. We will break our commitments & Samaya. & we will work long long hours in hopes of getting money.
Whether we get money or not never mind, we can work 10-15 hours a day to get money. We can travel long distances for money. We can justify to our families & friends for money. We can put away our practices for money. We can even give up our life, our time & our energy for money. We can do all that. Wanting money & needing money is different. 
Wanting money & chasing after it all the time, & using that as a source of so called happiness is a very big obstacle in modern times. I will tell you why; because modern times you have videos, tvs, cds, movies, dvds, you have the west, you have the east, opulence, indulgences, you have the lifestyle of the rich & famous. You have all these famous people who show you the pretty side of having money, but that’s only 5%, the ugly side you won’t get to see. & they promote that and they let you know. Ignorant people will want to believe that, & want to be like them. But when we see all those things, we want it. & that’s a big obstacle, you know why? Cause nowadays there are much more shows on “Wealth”, it increases more desires in us. Cause all the beautiful things you see in wealth are just pictures. They are not real you know? You don’t see what goes on behind. You don’t.
& wealth is a huge obstacle, Huge. & time. Distraction of time. 
Many of us can’t hang out in a room & keep quiet with our-self. We have to be here, go there, do this & that, it’s very hard for us to be with ourselves. Why is it hard for us to be with ourselves? Because, Silence to many of us equates Loneliness. Loneliness is something without activity. & being lonely is something that everybody fears. They fear it very much but they don’t understand, loneliness is a state of mind, not who you’re with. You can be with somebody & you can be totally lonely. You can’t relate with them, you can’t understand them, just because you’re with somebody doesn’t mean you’re not lonely. Some people are with people that makes them feel lonelier. Much much lonelier. Some people are alone but they are not lonely. Lonely is not being with someone or having to be with someone. Loneliness is a state of mind, that we don’t accept who we are inside. & therefore we need to be distracted with other people to make us look away from ourselves. So being lonely is not being with someone or finding someone or having someone. Living under a delusion: ‘ Oh I have somebody, I have a lover, I have a friend, I have whatever & I’m not lonely.’ In fact some of the most loneliest people in the world are people who have somebody. Think about it.
& then we will do everything. We will cook for this person, we will live for this person, we will change our lives for this person, we will do everything for this person. In hopes that we won’t be lonely. But the more we become slaves to these people, the more we become lonely.
We are not a slave to these people, we are a slave to our loneliness. The fear of accepting who we are, who we really are inside. So instead of facing who we are directly, we distract it. With new friends, new scenes, new clubs, new lovers, new sex positions, new clothes.
So loneliness is not being with someone or not being with someone. Loneliness is not accepting yourself. & who you are & what you need to improve. See when we know what is wrong with us, & we keep hiding that, & we avoid certain people, we avoid certain situations, those people & those situations we can avoid, but we can’t avoid ourselves. So when we hate ourselves because of our loneliness, you know what happens?
It’s that wherever we go or whoever we are with, it’s just a distraction. But we have to come home, we have to go to sleep, we have to be alone, we have to drive, even if you’re the busiest person, even if you have to go & take a poop, you have to be alone, I know of friends who need their dog to watch them while taking a poop. I have interesting friends. Anyways,
Loneliness is when you can’t accept who you are. The faults you have inside of you, the good points that you dare not see and it’s hard to be good, because you live in a society that doesn’t teach you to be good. It’s hard to be honest. It’s hard to be straightforward, it’s hard to tell people you’re normal, it’s hard to tell people you don’t have powers, it’s hard to tell people you make mistakes too. It’s hard to tell people that & it’s hard to tell yourself that.
So you become lonely. So how get away from that loneliness?
We find a lot of things to do, places to drive to, people to go with, & every time we eat we need somebody with us, whatever we do, we must have somebody with us. Non stop. Why? Because it distracts us from our loneliness. & that loneliness is not facing who we really are. The good points & the bad points. Another play of ego.
So therefore, in modern life, loneliness is more predominant.
Loneliness is not being somewhere, being something, having something, or being with someone, loneliness is not daring to look at our faults. & pushing towards improvements. & therefore we want to be distracted from what we see in ourselves we don’t like. So we want to have loud music, parties, beautiful people, friends, books, we want to have anything & everything. To not think about what we are inside. & the incredible thing is that, people don’t realize is that, all the effort they put towards looking for relationships, maintaining a relationship, oh my God, just getting a relationship, all the work you have to put into, & once you get it, boy do you get it.
& once you leave it, you’re stuck, you look for another one. And that’s just an ugly cycle that goes on and on and on. & once you’re in this relationship, you’re still very lonely, because if you weren’t lonely, you won’t be looking at everybody passing on the street. You wouldn’t. You wouldn’t at all.
& then we get depressed, we become unhappy, we become more lonelier, we find out the person we are with is not who we thought, is not what we like, they restrict us, they don’t respect us, they cut us down, arguments, disagreements, unhappiness & all that are distractions.
Why are there distractions? Because those things take us away from the real purpose why we are here.
So if you talk to a bunch of Samsara’s people who don’t know anything, of course they agree with you. When you talk to the ‘evil’ Guru from Tibet, he’s going to tell you the opposite right? Because he is ‘nasty’, he is ‘horrible’. He tells us we have to be a better person.”

Three objects, three poisons, and three seeds of virtue

Three objects, three poisons, and three seeds of virtue

From “Training the Mind and Cultivating Loving-Kindness” by Chogyam Trungpa

“This slogan is connected with the postmeditation experience which comes after the main practice. Relating to passion, aggression, and ignorance in the main practice of tonglen* is very intense, but the post meditation practice is somewhat lighter.

*tonglen: “Sending and taking is a very important practice of the bodhisattva path. It is called tonglenin Tibetan: tong means “sending out” or “letting go,” and len means “receiving,” or “accepting.”Tonglen is a very important term; you should remember it. It is the main practice in the development of relative bodhichitta.

“These two should ride the breath.”

The practice of tonglen is quite straightforward; it is an actual sitting meditation practice. You give away your happiness, your pleasure, anything that feels good. All of that goes out with the outbreath. As you breathe in, you breathe in any resentments and problems, anything that feels bad. The whole point is to remove territoriality altogether.”

The three objects are friends, enemies, and neutrals. The three poisons are passion, aggression, and ignorance or delusion. And the three seeds of virtue are the absence of passion, aggression, and ignorance.

The practice of this slogan is to take the passion, aggression, and delusion of others upon ourselves so that they may be free and undefiled. Passion is wanting to magnetize or possess; aggression is wanting to reject, attack, cast out; and ignorance or indifference is that you couldn’t be bothered, you are not interested, a kind of anti-prajna energy. We take upon ourselves the aggression of our enemies, the passion of our friends, and the indifference of neutrals.

When we reflect on our enemy, that inspires aggression. Whatever aggression our enemy has provided for us – let that aggression be ours and let the enemy thereby be free from any kind of aggression. Whatever passion has been created by our friends, let us take that neurosis into ourselves and let our friends be freed from passion. And the indifference of those who are in the middle or unconcerned, those who are ignorant, deluded, or noncaring, let us bring that neurosis into ourselves and let those people be free from ignorance.

Whenever any of the three poisons happens in your life, you should do the sending and taking practice [tonglen]. You just look at your passion, your aggression, and your delusion – you do not regard them as a problem or as a promise. Instead, when you are in a state of aggression, you say: “May this aggression be a working base for me. May I learn to hold my aggression to myself, and may all sentient beings thereby attain freedom from aggression.” Or: “May this passion be mine. Because it belongs to me by virtue of my holding on to it, therefore may others be free of such passion.” For indifference, you do the same thing.

The purpose of doing that is that when you begin to hold the three poisons as yours, when you possess them fully and completely, when you take charge of them fully, you will find, interestingly enough, that the logic is reversed. If you have no object of aggression, you cannot hold your own aggression purely by yourself. If you have no object of passion, you cannot hold your passion yourself. And in the same way, you cannot hold on to your ignorance either.

By holding your poison, you let go of the object, or the intent, of your poison. You see, what usually happens is that you have objects of the three poisons. When you have an object of aggression, for example, you feel angry toward it – right? But if your anger is not directed toward something, the object of aggression falls apart. It is impossible to have an object of anger, because the anger belongs to you rather than to its object. You give your compassion to the object so that it doesn’t provoke your anger – then what are you angry with? You find yourself just hanging out there, with no one to project onto. Therefore, you can cut the root of the three poisons by dealing with others rather than by dealing with yourself. So an interesting twist takes place.”

It is important to know that we are responsible for our own “poisons.” Our emotions and reactions are our own. Other people may do things, circumstances may occur but the phrase “So and so made me so angry!” is not true. So and so may be the biggest jackass in the world but no one can “make” us anything. It is important for us, our well-being, our relationships, our view of reality, that we take ownership of our own emotions… the same is true for our expectations, resentments, cravings, desires, attachments, motivations, and delusions.

With this in mind, tonglen practice and an understanding of how the three poisons act in the world… our own personal world… begins to make a great deal of sense and becomes a very powerful tool towards transforming those three poisons in the three seeds of virtue.

http://thetenthousandthings.blogspot.sg/2008/09/three-objects-three-poisons-and-three.html
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